We are a triangle family, a one and done…whatever label you give it, basically we aren’t having any more children!
I have to admit, I don’t hear it that often, you know that question ‘So when are you having another one?’, and I think the reason for that is because I’ve been very vocal about our choice and people have given up asking. I do get asked every now and then though and I just let it pass me now and reply politely with a firm never.
I’m part of a facebook group called ‘One and done: parents of an only child by choice’ and thats exactly it, it’s a choice and this is our why.
I had an amazing birth, I loved every minute of it. Well except from the Braxton hicks, they were utter shit! To quote Rachael…. ‘No uterus, no opinion’. I had, in my opinion, a beautiful bump and I felt that ‘glowing’ feeling. My skin was the best it has ever been and my hair…. wow! My birthing experience was what I felt, fantastic. However my experience in the hospital wasn’t so good, infact that was awful.
I had my second sweep, aren’t they just a joy (insert rolling eyes) in the morning and my friend Noosh came to visit during the day. She left just before the shit hit the fan…. at 6 pm on the 19th of December 2016 my contractions started. I was busy cleaning the flat, getting everything ready (total waste of time as my husband made a mess during the 2 days I was in hospital) and then they hit me. When my husband came home I was bent over the back of the couch clutching the polish and declaring that he needed to finish the cleaning before I went to hospital.
After the usual birthing moments, you know having a bath… talking paracetamol, trying to sleep….we went into the hospital at 1am on the 20th of December. I was told I was 3cm and could go home if I wanted…. ha ha nope!! Up to the ward and off for a bath, to get out 10 minutes later in pain and stark bollock naked walking back to my bed. Then I declared that I needed a poo, when in fact it was Olivia’s head and I was now 8cm’s dilated and this was only 1 hour after I was told I could go home!
So down we went, I remember Neil wore my pink dressing gown and made all the nurses laugh, and settled into the room. Here my midwife, that I had never met before, was never in the room and every big contraction I had she wasn’t there. I had an injection in the leg and then I remember asking when I would get my antibiotics, I had group strep B (I found this out by accident and never knew about it or its dangers prior to finding out), and I heard the midwife talking to someone else saying that upstairs didn’t tell them about it…. so I promptly got given the antibiotics. Then at 7 am I was told that it was time to push, the gas and air was being taken off me and I had 30 minute to push because the midwife finished at 07:30!
So I did my thing, no swearing or shouting…. and in 19 minutes I had given birth to Olivia. I even told the midwife that I had given her plenty of time to finish her paperwork…..
It was here that it went a little tits up!
They lay her on my naked chest and well left me to it. I had no clue what to do or say? I wanted to breastfeed but no one asked or offered me any help, in fact no one helped me till she was 15 hours old and I begged the night nurse to help me feed her. So I expressed with the pump and gave her what there was and the rest was from a bottle of formula that the nurse gave me. From then that was life as I knew it…. a pump! Every three hours that haunting sound from the pump, and I did this for 13 weeks before I dried up and she went exclusively to formula. We combination fed for that time as she never latched on, and this is something I deeply regret. Not the combination feeding, that didn’t bother me at all. I mean a baby has to feed and in my opinion…..it’s none of my business or anyone else’s business what a mother does to feed her baby. What bothered me was that I never got that ‘skin to skin’ bond that I longed for.
It was then, around the 13 weeks that I realised I was suffering with post natal depression….
This is my why…. I can’t go through that again. A great pregnancy, and an alright birth and then boom…. PND!
PND is another story that I will go into on another day.
The motivating mum 